i wish i had a Colorform wall

there is a deep, dark fear inside me right now. i fear that a week from now, i'll still be in this same, exact position, writing things like this or this, wallowing in self-pity and feeling stabbing pains of extreme panic. i fear that a week from now, i'll have to fabricate another reason why i wasn't able to present yet again, and i know that by then my tutor won't buy it anymore, that is assuming that he's actually believed me the past two times. i fear that what i've been telling my friends all this while will actually come true. that the pessimism that i maintain, in hopes of things ending up way better than i expect, will prove itself and the worst-case-scenarios that i keep imagining will actually happen.

my muse has left me. after four-and-a-half years, my little creative mind has decided to pack itself up and hide away. it's got perfect timing too. i'm in the middle of the most important project i've ever had to do. and i can't come up with anything.

help.