it's just one of those days

Ever wondered, if it came to that, whether you could ? which way would you choose ? would it hurt ? would you feel anything at all ? could you ?

Ever wondered how they do it ? or whether every smile is fake. every joke composed. rehearsed. screaming for effect. every step carefully orchestrated. every time you go out, you face them with an armour and a sheild. so they'd know you're okay. so they'd think "Gee she's great, isn't she ? So put-together. So calm. So self-assured." so they wouldn't ask questions. why do they say "How are you?" when the only answer is "Fine." or "Are you okay?" when you can only say "Yes."

Ever wondered how it came to this ? how everything seems fine, but isn't, really. if it's just in your head. if you're just doing this for you. if you just want something to cry about. because you crave misery. you embrace gloom. how long would it take you to leave ? and how long could you stay away ?

Ever wondered how many people would be there ? how many would question, and ask why. how they never saw it coming, never thought you would. would they blame themselves ? would they think of words they could have said, things they could have done. would you ? would they hate you for leaving but still pray for your soul ?

Ever wondered how you could be so selfish ? so self-absorbed ? so proud ? so afraid. and if it really was just one of those days, when would it end ?

now playing : Day Dream by Pat Wroge