ch-ch-changes
God... is it Monday already ? Monday the 21st ? Monday the 21st, two days away from a presentation that i am Still not even coming close to being prepared for ? kill. me. now. although must say, it is through fault of no one else but mine. and my sense of duty as Queen of Procrastination. bad, bad, bad habit. must break out of.
spent most of week doing nothing work-related, instead tried to take mind off the fact that there was an assload of work to be done by being drunk, and hyper on caffeine. yes was a weekend of numbing mind with lots of alcohol. actually was an entire week (almost) of numbing mind with lots of alcohol. and also discovering the beauty of caffeine pills. realised a few weeks ago that the litres of sludge-like coffee that i pour down my throat daily was more than likely the cause of my not-so-baby-smooth complexion last semester. i'm blaming it on the coffee-oils. noticed after taking new-found caffeine pills that the wondrous effects of caffeine manifest even quicker, plus enjoy spot-free (almost) face. any blemishes easily concealed courtesy of Bobbi Brown and her magi-chemicals. now my only worry is death-by-caffeine-overdose. although after consulting with LovelyFlatmate who is also Doctor-to-be, as well as getting second opinion from Doctor-to-be #2 from downstairs, both claiming that death-by-caffeine-overdose is highly unlikely (however gently adding that i seriously do need to reduce caffeine intake) and that the most i'll suffer is an elevated heart rate, am now fearing possibility of death-by-over-excited heart.
also, spent earlier half of week being weepingly depressed. as in staying-in-room-feeling-sorry-for-self depressed. and wondering why feelings of self-pity and depression creep up ever so often, especially when there doesn't really seem to be any reason for said feelings to arise. so also spent earlier half of week feeling quite confused, and wondering whether yours truly should drag self to therapist and ramble about childhood of neglect and resentment which led to adolescent years of neglect and resentment resulting in present years of self-declared independence (except for Financial Support dependence) and yes, resentment. whereupon therapist would nod and say things like "Well how do you feel about that ?" when is actually thinking God not another one of these self-absorbed brats. nope. don't need that. anyway, abandoned thoughts of therapy after having a conversation with LovelyFlatmate a.k.a Doctor-to-be (who is currently attached to a hospice) about patients who have difficulty accepting the fact that death is near :
me : aren't there therapists to talk to them, help them ease their minds a little ?
LF : no, there's no point. waiting list for therapy is at least 2 months, and some of them don't even have that long.
me : [after 5 seconds of astounded silence] well that is not good.
how long would my waiting list be ?
anyway, seeing as it is a Brand New Week, and also bc i have not set any NewYear resolutions, i have come up with (yet another) list of Resolutions, Just Because :
[1] will reduce tendency to do Things That I Should Not Be Doing when i already have a lot of Things That I Really Need To Get Done
[2] will reduce alcohol consumption (actually cannot help but, as have exhausted supply of alcohol in flat)
[3] will refrain from replacing exhausted supply of alcohol in flat
[4] will refrain from buying too much fruit, as have spent some of this weekend throwing away lots of rotten fruit
now playing : Condor by Dave Grusin, from Three Days of the Condor
spent most of week doing nothing work-related, instead tried to take mind off the fact that there was an assload of work to be done by being drunk, and hyper on caffeine. yes was a weekend of numbing mind with lots of alcohol. actually was an entire week (almost) of numbing mind with lots of alcohol. and also discovering the beauty of caffeine pills. realised a few weeks ago that the litres of sludge-like coffee that i pour down my throat daily was more than likely the cause of my not-so-baby-smooth complexion last semester. i'm blaming it on the coffee-oils. noticed after taking new-found caffeine pills that the wondrous effects of caffeine manifest even quicker, plus enjoy spot-free (almost) face. any blemishes easily concealed courtesy of Bobbi Brown and her magi-chemicals. now my only worry is death-by-caffeine-overdose. although after consulting with LovelyFlatmate who is also Doctor-to-be, as well as getting second opinion from Doctor-to-be #2 from downstairs, both claiming that death-by-caffeine-overdose is highly unlikely (however gently adding that i seriously do need to reduce caffeine intake) and that the most i'll suffer is an elevated heart rate, am now fearing possibility of death-by-over-excited heart.
also, spent earlier half of week being weepingly depressed. as in staying-in-room-feeling-sorry-for-self depressed. and wondering why feelings of self-pity and depression creep up ever so often, especially when there doesn't really seem to be any reason for said feelings to arise. so also spent earlier half of week feeling quite confused, and wondering whether yours truly should drag self to therapist and ramble about childhood of neglect and resentment which led to adolescent years of neglect and resentment resulting in present years of self-declared independence (except for Financial Support dependence) and yes, resentment. whereupon therapist would nod and say things like "Well how do you feel about that ?" when is actually thinking God not another one of these self-absorbed brats. nope. don't need that. anyway, abandoned thoughts of therapy after having a conversation with LovelyFlatmate a.k.a Doctor-to-be (who is currently attached to a hospice) about patients who have difficulty accepting the fact that death is near :
me : aren't there therapists to talk to them, help them ease their minds a little ?
LF : no, there's no point. waiting list for therapy is at least 2 months, and some of them don't even have that long.
me : [after 5 seconds of astounded silence] well that is not good.
how long would my waiting list be ?
anyway, seeing as it is a Brand New Week, and also bc i have not set any NewYear resolutions, i have come up with (yet another) list of Resolutions, Just Because :
[1] will reduce tendency to do Things That I Should Not Be Doing when i already have a lot of Things That I Really Need To Get Done
[2] will reduce alcohol consumption (actually cannot help but, as have exhausted supply of alcohol in flat)
[3] will refrain from replacing exhausted supply of alcohol in flat
[4] will refrain from buying too much fruit, as have spent some of this weekend throwing away lots of rotten fruit
now playing : Condor by Dave Grusin, from Three Days of the Condor
posted by nu. at 2:04 am
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