a letter to the Velcro Federation (part ii)

you guys!

i just want to say... that i am happy today. happy like i haven't been in a long long time. i just had some meetings with my various tutors throughout the morning and i showed them my scheme. and they gave really helpful comments, and didn't shove stuff in my face and tell me that i was shit. so i'm pleased and glad and happy and excited and i just might go off and do some shopping today!

or maybe the drugs have just kicked in.

hah.

anyways... yesterday i did some shopping and guess what... i've decided to take up oil painting! i bought an easel, and some canvas, and paints, and brushes, and a water-mixable-fast-drying mixer thingy, and even a palette knife! (although i don't know what it's for and the only reason i bought it was cos i saw someone using it on TV and it looked quite cool. artsy-like) i forgot to buy a palette, though, so i need to get that today.

also, i bought some stuff for the apartment... a throw for the couch, new duvet cover and pillowcases to match the horrible green carpet, and cushions for the couch too! photos soon, promise!

my aunt's coming from Singapore to see me. actually she's in England for some kind of conference but she's coming to Liverpool on Thursday and i'm going with her to see some of her friends in Yorkshire, then we're heading to London to visit my grand-aunt. so it'll be a nice break and a look-see travel thing.

i'm high, you guys... high on lots of early-morning caffeine from my bitterly strong 7am cup of coffee, and last night's Prozac, and yesterday's therapy session, and this morning's encouraging comments.

and hey i might be going to Paris soon! there's a contemporary music centre that i want to check out there called IRCAM. it was designed by Renzo Piano, maybe some of you know it? i don't know what it looks like so i can't describe it to you. i hope i'll have enough money to go, i think i'll forgo my trip back home over Christmas and go to France instead. cos... Paris, baby! yeah! or... oui!

today i need to buy : slippers to patter around the kitchen with, cos the floor is this disgusting linoleum that looks greasy. it doesn't feel greasy, but it looks it, and my feet are just doubting the ungreasiness of it. plus i need to get plates and stuff, cos i only own one bowl at the moment - this microwavable Pyrex dish - and when my aunt comes to visit there'll be more than one person in the house and we shall therefore need more than one bowl unless we want to share said bowl, which we do not want to do. plus i need to get more forks and knives because i only own one fork and a teaspoon and a butterknife. plus i need to get a frying pan because how does one fry an egg without a pan to fry it in? and also a ... that plastic egg-flipper thingy. you know... what do you call it? spatula? i don't know. and i need to get a toaster. because i like toasted bread. and toasted pancakes. and toasted bagels. the only appliance i have right now is a kettle. and there's a square thing in the kitchen that looks like a microwave, but i'm not sure if it is a microwave, and i'm afraid to try it out and see. you know, in case it explodes.

bouncing off the walls, but not literally, but just word-ly, as in a rambly way,
n.

a rant about a movie

okay before running off for my 11 o'clock meeting...

how disappointed was i with Howl's Moving Castle? oh so very.

i've seen Hayao Miyazaki's other works, some of them - Spirited Away, which i loved, and that one about the war where there was this little girl who was brought up by her brother but they didn't have enough food to eat and he died of starvation in the end... i think... that was good too. sad, but good. so i can imagine why he'd be doing the adaptation of Diana Wynne Jones' book but, as much as i liked the way he made the castle look, i was terribly disappointed with Howl. and Michael. and Sophie... is she an old lady? isn't she? who knows? and Calcifer! Billy Crystal Calcifer is not! Billy Crystal : round green one-eyed monster - good. Billy Crystal : cynical sarcastic but with a heart of gold (coal... hehe) fire demon - not!! and Howl... i really wish he didn't look so Japanese-boy-band-member-y. plus Hayao missed out some crucial bits of the book that i think would have brought a lot more colour to Howl's character.

i'd like to rant some more but i have to run!

if you've read the book (and loved it) then don't watch the film. or watch it, but ignore the flutter in your tummy when the film starts up because it'll soon turn into a cramp.

a post about why i haven't been posting

for the most part, i've been busy. moved house (again!) to a one-bedroom apartment which is twice the size of the studio i was living in, and almost half the price! and in a building with such character and potential... could i resist? no! i'm really happy i found this place. i'm really happy that fate/theuniverse/destiny/God found it in its/Her heart to arrange the world/universe/sequenceofevents that led to me finding this place. mostly because it's so little to pay for so much space. did i mention the space? twice the size! for half the price! (almost) i'm happy. i like it. a lot. a lot a lot. except the bathroom. which is awful putrid green. the puking kind. so i'll be doing some painting soon. and while i'm at it i might paint the bedroom too. but not for a while, because i can't be bothered moving all my stuff around again.

for the most part, i've had blogger's block. like writer's block but blog-wise. because, i guess, vent-wise, there are a lot of things i'd like very much to vent about. but mostly i'm not really knowing how to go about that. maybe because it's mostly petty.

but it was mostly the move. and the lack of regular internet access. but since circumstances have changed i'll be looking into getting broadband fixed in my apartment! depends on how much it costs, and how un-broke i feel. so we'll see. cross your toes & fingers for me though!

oh and Hayao Miyazaki's Howl's Moving Castle is out! i read the book, by Diana Wynne Jones, a few years ago, and i totally loved it. and its sequel too, the Magic Carpet, or something like that. and her other books too. kiddie books. but i loved them. and i love Hayao Miyazaki. so that's what i'm doing today. watching a movie. and doing some shopping, because i'm out of food (again!).

a post about the weather, and food.

the weather is odd today, as it is, every day. earlier this morning it was grey and breezy, but comfortably warm. and the air was damp, just so. it was nice. now the sun is out, way out. it's really bright. not so nice. makes me regret bringing my denim jacket out. don't you just hate carrying around a jacket that you brought out for nothing? i hope the sun goes back in before i leave. "back! back!" i prod, with my telepathic sun-prodder.

the contents of my fridge are as follows :
1. vanilla ice cream that tastes really weird because it's been melted and frozen, melted and frozen, over and over again. time to throw it out.
2. a bottle of Actimel, mixed fruits flavour, that expired a month ago but still kind of tastes kind of okay.
3. a pack of vanilla vodka shooters that i bought 2 months ago but haven't found the occasion to drink yet. wait, who am i kidding? does one need an occasion to down vanilla vodka shooters? one thinks not.
4. a tub of raspberry-wholegrain Onken yoghurt. oh by the way, have i told you yet that Onken is the best yoghurt ever made? well. Onken is the best yoghurt ever made. my tub of Onken expired 2 weeks ago, but it's still unopened, so i think it might still taste okay.
5. a packet of soya milk that expires in a year (yay!)
6. assorted sauces.
7. a head of broccoli, frozen.
8. a packet of green, yellow and red peppers, frozen.
9. a packet of okra, frozen.

my fridge, meat-eating carnivore that it is, detests vegetables and is hell-bent on turning me into the meat-lover that it too is, by freezing all my vegetables, leaving me unable to consume them.

and i need to do some serious grocery shopping soon.

a letter to the Velcro Federation

Mel... i'm so sorry to hear about you and M. i understand how you may be feeling right now and it just makes me so angry at him. makes me want to pull his balls right off! the bastard. for causing you such pain. i hope things turn out for the best, whatever they may be. just as long as, at the end of the day, you're happy, then i'm happy. i agree with Sarah. he's totally taking for granted the awesome girlfriend that you are, and once he realises that he'll come crawling back, not you to him. but make sure he knows that. anyway if i were a guy, or even a lesbian, and if i weren't already in a heated, passion-filled relationship with your son, i would totally make out with you. totally. and i know you'd have the hots for me too. right? don't lie. you totally dig me in my torn shorts, eating Sara Lee on the bed with ants crawling all over me.

just take care of yourself, ok? i agree too with not telling Ben. he can be pretty smothering sometimes, with his man-breasts. you need some sisterly love now. and love of the chocolate / ice-cream kind. make sure you get lots of that. and if you ever need to talk, give me a call, anytime. i'll take my phone off silent mode, just for you.

well you guys... are probably wondering how my submission went. or not. anyway i don't really care because i'm going to tell you anyway. the thing is, it didn't. i didn't submit.

the thing is, i had nothing to submit. and when i say nothing, i mean nothing. not a drawing, not a model, no-thing. i don't know what's going on, seriously. everytime i try to start work i find myself coming up with reasons or excuses not to work. like maybe i'd go out. or watch a movie. or eat. and it's procrastination, but i don't know why i do it. it's not so much that i'm lazy, or maybe i am, but anyhow i'm trying to find out now. i've just started seeing a therapist, since the week before my project was due. and i'm on anti-depressents. you know that drug Prozac? i'm taking it daily now, it's supposed to make me feel better. i've only just started, so it hasn't exactly started working yet. maybe soon. anyway, i guess the thing is, i'm getting therapy to find out what ails me. and find out how to fix it. cos there's feeling down, and then there's feeling down. and despite all evidence to the contrary i've been feeling pretty down for several months now.

so. yeah. that's what's up.

as for how my course is going, i went to see my tutor with a note from my therapist, and he's agreed to give me a conditional extension, the condition being that i come in to see him every two weeks. i'm glad that he's so supportive, and as much as i dread the idea, i'm glad that he cares enough to want to make sure that i'm really doing the best i can. so i guess the upside to this drama is that i get to stay here for a little bit longer.

oh, and i'm moving again. the place that i'm living in now is pretty expensive, so i'm going to live within (or below) my means, and move to a cheaper place. i found a one-bedroom apartment, which is quite big, and priced cheaply, to my wonderful surprise. the landlord is a somewhat daft-looking old Chinese man named Tony, who seems quite nice. only thing is it seems quite run-down, but i guess a good spring-clean will make it all good again. anyway beggars can't be choosers, right?

well okay then. hope the rest of you are doing well. Mel, again, if you need to talk, i'm here. sorry for stealing your thunder with my shit. but i just came from a session and i guess i feel all self-baring. kind of. anyhow, take care of yourself, okay? you're always in my thoughts & prayers. that is, when i do pray. which, sad to say, isn't all that often now. but i think alot. so i'll be thinking alot about you.

love you guys,
n.

so...

so i've been away for a week. you know, not having regular internet access and all that. plus that thing about having nothing much to say. or, having so much to say but not being able to say it for reasons that probably make less sense than i think they do. last week was momentous. mo-men-tous. things happening right, left and centre. or not happening at all, depending on how one looks at it. someday i'll tell you all about it. need to get my thoughts together first (or whatever's left of them).

but guess what had the honour of putting the first genuine smile of the week on my face! i just want to say Congratulations to Miss (or Mrs) eatmisery on the soon-to-come new addition to the family!

anyway, for lack of anything to tell, i'll spend today's post writing about radish. yes, radish. the root-vegetable thing. i don't know if it's a vegetable, but i think it's like a potato... grows underground, like a whatdyacallit... tuber? i don't know, i'm not exactly a vegetable expert. i like radish in soup. chicken soup.

so that lasted about 5 sentences.

i'll tell you something else. i am, currently, craving greatly for mee goreng mamak. i'd translate that for you non-Malay speaking readers, but i'm afraid it'll just end up being "mamak fried noodles". and what is mamak, you may ask? well that, i can't really tell you. because i don't know. so, Malay readers who are more proficient at the Malay-slang-to-English translating than i am, what is mamak in English? i'd describe what mee goreng mamak is, but being the non-chef that i am, the best i can come up with is "thick yellow noodles fried with egg, chicken, that starchy yellow thing that looks like fried tofu but isn't, and lots of mamak spices, and, i guess, soya sauce". best eaten with popadum, which again, i'm unable to translate. and neslo ais, which i can translate - iced mocha... mamak style. or teh o ais limau - iced lemon tea... mamak style. cos there's no other. and dining al fresco is a must. not that you'd have a choice, actually. seriously. i wish i could cook. cos i'd cook me some mee goreng mamak. but no, i'll just have to settle for toasted garlic naan with hummous. it's East meets Middle East meets Western technology (the toaster).

fusion, baby.

currently part 3 (i think)

feeling pain. head. ache. my eyes hair nose hurt. caused either by too much sleep, or the fact that i have had no caffeine in over 24 hours. bad?
waiting for a reply from Netgear online tech support. my wireless card mysteriously stopped working early this month. i've sent two e-mails out to Netgear, tried everything they told me to do but still it does not work.
feeling like a big load has been lifted. but also aware that although it's not sitting on my shoulders anymore it now dangles precariously above my head.
wanting to go see another movie. but there's nothing to see.
feeling hungry. but way too unbothered to cook. and slightly too broke to buy.
wishing for more interesting TV programs. since the end of Big Brother, Nip/Tuck and Six Feet Under, there's nothing left to watch.
feeling sad that my entertainment and time-wasting revolves so much around TV. a life seriously needs to be get.
waiting for the sun to go hide behind some clouds and not come out for a while so that i can go out and not have to squint or have my eyes hurt any more than they do.
thinking that the glare of the computer monitor isn't helping my eyes any either.
tasting a really funny taste in the back of my throat. funny in a not-so-good sort of way.
listening to the annoyingly loud whirrrr of the air-conditioning unit.
wishing that i could reach up and rip it out of the ceiling.
eyeing the blond-haired blue-eyed rippled-just-right lemon-yellow-Fred Perry-polo-T-wearing surfer-dude-lookalike in front of me. yum.

will leave now.

the sense of touch

remember how i said that Crash was probably over-hyped and not as great as everyone critically acclaims? or something to that tone.

well, i take it back. 'cos i just went to see it yesterday, and it's made my Best Movies I've Seen This Year list, right along with Sin City, and not much else. that i can remember, anyway. my memory's been failing me this past few days.

i won't say that it's fresh, because it isn't, or that it's an eye-opener, because it isn't, or even that it's honest, because i think that it may be slightly exaggerated sometimes? or maybe i'm just a naïve idealist.

but i did think that Sandra Bullock should spend more of her time on films of this quality rather than that disaster that was Miss Congeniality 2, the memory of which still makes me squirm. and it was really good seeing Ryan Phillippe on the screen again, he has such a perfect angel-face. although he ends up doing something un-angellic towards the end.

anyway i suck at movie-reviewing, so i guess all i'll say is "go see it".