shoulders hunched, collars up

i have spent most of January thinking about most of 2006. the worst event of last year was my grandmother's death, and also the fact that i couldn't be home with her when she was dying, or for her funeral. i sometimes find myself thinking about her as if she were still alive - and then catching myself when i remember that she's gone.

the best part of 2006, i think, was me getting a job (albeit being disgustingly underpaid) and finally being able to cut myself off of my dad's bank account. of course, if i really needed the money, i know that it would only take a phone call - but i really hope i won't have to anymore.

i had a good day today... i spent most of the later half of 2006 moaning about not being able to get a job yet not doing anything much about it - well, a few days ago i finally picked up the phone and called up a recruitment agency a friend of mine recommended. i met with a consultant this afternoon, and she's already got me an interview lined up for Monday. after speaking to her on the phone the other day i had a feeling things would be okay... we share the same birthday, and she has the same name as my cat (although i didn't tell her about that... i wasn't sure how she would feel about sharing a name with a cat). i am already nervous about the interview... it will be my first proper interview ever! what if the directors don't like what i wear? what if it rains that morning and my hair ends up all ratty and messy? what if i can't think of any way i can be of use to the company? what if i trip over something and rip my pants?

tomorrow (also another first) i'm seeing the dentist... first time in 2 years. well, actually, second time: i had a check-up last Thursday. turns out i have one cavity, one potential cavity and a mouth full of wonky wisdom teeth that don't seem to be growing in the right direction. also, caffeine and nicotine have left my teeth stained yellowy so i will also need a scale and polish. i don't mind dentists... in fact i find them soothing. i might take a nap while she's polishing away.

you know what i miss? jungle trekking. i miss walking through the jungles and moaning about the heat and mosquito bites. i don't know why, but i just watched The Bridge On the River Kwai tonight and i wished i were in a rainforest somewhere swashbuckling away at unruly bamboo with a parang.