a letter to the Velcro Federation

Mel... i'm so sorry to hear about you and M. i understand how you may be feeling right now and it just makes me so angry at him. makes me want to pull his balls right off! the bastard. for causing you such pain. i hope things turn out for the best, whatever they may be. just as long as, at the end of the day, you're happy, then i'm happy. i agree with Sarah. he's totally taking for granted the awesome girlfriend that you are, and once he realises that he'll come crawling back, not you to him. but make sure he knows that. anyway if i were a guy, or even a lesbian, and if i weren't already in a heated, passion-filled relationship with your son, i would totally make out with you. totally. and i know you'd have the hots for me too. right? don't lie. you totally dig me in my torn shorts, eating Sara Lee on the bed with ants crawling all over me.

just take care of yourself, ok? i agree too with not telling Ben. he can be pretty smothering sometimes, with his man-breasts. you need some sisterly love now. and love of the chocolate / ice-cream kind. make sure you get lots of that. and if you ever need to talk, give me a call, anytime. i'll take my phone off silent mode, just for you.

well you guys... are probably wondering how my submission went. or not. anyway i don't really care because i'm going to tell you anyway. the thing is, it didn't. i didn't submit.

the thing is, i had nothing to submit. and when i say nothing, i mean nothing. not a drawing, not a model, no-thing. i don't know what's going on, seriously. everytime i try to start work i find myself coming up with reasons or excuses not to work. like maybe i'd go out. or watch a movie. or eat. and it's procrastination, but i don't know why i do it. it's not so much that i'm lazy, or maybe i am, but anyhow i'm trying to find out now. i've just started seeing a therapist, since the week before my project was due. and i'm on anti-depressents. you know that drug Prozac? i'm taking it daily now, it's supposed to make me feel better. i've only just started, so it hasn't exactly started working yet. maybe soon. anyway, i guess the thing is, i'm getting therapy to find out what ails me. and find out how to fix it. cos there's feeling down, and then there's feeling down. and despite all evidence to the contrary i've been feeling pretty down for several months now.

so. yeah. that's what's up.

as for how my course is going, i went to see my tutor with a note from my therapist, and he's agreed to give me a conditional extension, the condition being that i come in to see him every two weeks. i'm glad that he's so supportive, and as much as i dread the idea, i'm glad that he cares enough to want to make sure that i'm really doing the best i can. so i guess the upside to this drama is that i get to stay here for a little bit longer.

oh, and i'm moving again. the place that i'm living in now is pretty expensive, so i'm going to live within (or below) my means, and move to a cheaper place. i found a one-bedroom apartment, which is quite big, and priced cheaply, to my wonderful surprise. the landlord is a somewhat daft-looking old Chinese man named Tony, who seems quite nice. only thing is it seems quite run-down, but i guess a good spring-clean will make it all good again. anyway beggars can't be choosers, right?

well okay then. hope the rest of you are doing well. Mel, again, if you need to talk, i'm here. sorry for stealing your thunder with my shit. but i just came from a session and i guess i feel all self-baring. kind of. anyhow, take care of yourself, okay? you're always in my thoughts & prayers. that is, when i do pray. which, sad to say, isn't all that often now. but i think alot. so i'll be thinking alot about you.

love you guys,
n.