about today...

it went better than i thought it would. fingers crossed for the next two days.
more details, maybe, in the near future.
maybe.

waiting for Wednesday

first of all, i'm sleepy. just a little bit.

tomorrow i'm going for an interview. that's what the 11am is. it's an interview, or shall i say, session, that i've been meaning to go for, for a long time, but kept putting off. so tomorrow. things sound hazy, i know, as intended, simply because i'm not sure how much i want to reveal about it just yet. somehow i'm not as excited about it right now as i was a week ago. so we'll see how that goes, shall we?

also, i can feel breakfast making a slight comeback in the back of my throat. must be all the coffee i've been breathing. oh, and the no sleep. that might have something to do with it.

oh, and i just heard about the hurricane over in the States. i've never been to New Orleans, but it's always been on my list of American Cities I Have To See, right there along with New York City, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago (for the Mies) and Washington, D.C. and New Orleans for the jazz, in case you were wondering. so here's some warm wishes for all the New Orleans-ers, if there ever are any who happen to happen upon this site.

how is it possible, that i've only just discovered the gem that is Six Feet Under? Channel 4 have been showing it over the past few weeks, sometimes twice in one night. i think it's the season before the final season that just wrapped up in the States (we're slow here, in the UK of GB. with television programs, among other things.) anyway i was just starting to really get into it, but the last ep was last night! and they're showing the next season on cable, which i don't have. hell, i don't even have a TV license, which means i'm watching all my non-cable channels for free. but don't tell the TV license people!

and lastly, but definitely not leastly, Happy Birthday Malaysia!

in the few minutes left - more random thoughts

nothing much to say, actually. it's been a grey, grey day. i got my "thunderstorm" at around 5 this morning. well, there was no thunder, and no lightning, but there was a teeny tiny storm. or, at least, it rained hard enough to pound on my window (the raindrops, not me) and make me open my curtains and go "well, okay, that's not too bad." and it's been drizzly and slightly windy and grey ever since, with very little hint of sun. perfectissimo. haven't had a proper rainy day here in ages, and today really was nice. the word "galoshy" comes to mind. y'know, from galoshes. 'cept, i've more than outgrown those puddle jumping days. but it sure would've been fun. mine were red, by the way.

i'm running out of food. today, for breakfast / lunch i cooked (yes, cooked. with a pan and everything) everything i had left. shell-shaped pasta (can't remember proper Italian term), with a brocolli-french beans-mushroom omelette. let it never be said that i'm a fussy eater. oh, but it tasted horrible. i ate it anyway, cos i was hungry, but if there ever needed to be proof that i cannot cook, let this morning's horror be testament.

been looking for Boys On The Side on DVD for a while now. checked amazon and they're only selling Region 1, i.e. the US version, i.e. unplayable with my non-multi-region DVD player.

that's it for today. my laptop battery's running out soon and any minute now the screen will go blank. have great weekends, everyone. i hate that time flies. fuck you, time! (said in Spanish, or with Spanish accent, of course)

randomly speaking

firstly, i'm hungry. but... must. supress. hunger.
food. bad.
pain. good.

secondly, ants crawling into my ears. no, not right now, but what if? list of biggest fears? that's right on it. my primary school classmate Davina had ants crawl into her ears a few times when we were kids. it happened twice when we were having a Math test. it looked really painful, and she was crying, but all the while i was thinking "well at least she doesn't have to take the test."

autumn is finally here. i think. almost, anyway. it's getting chillier. it rained heavily this morning. well, as heavy as it can get here, anyway. i'm still crossing my fingers for a good ol' proper thunderstorm. just some nice light & sound display, nothing spectacular. nothing like, say, the twister that hit Birmingham and damaged hundreds of houses. that's too much.

i went to see a baby 2 weekends ago. my friend Lauren finally had hers, a baby girl named Faith. she's very teeny tiny, and well, she scares me. a little. i held her, for 5 seconds, before freaking out and giving her back to her dad. she just looked really... judgemental. if babies can look like that. like, "why so tense?" like she FELT my fear. like, "ohh YOU. what DO you think you're doing. you think we like that? idiot." except when she said "idiot" it was with a Spanish accent, cos insulting comments always sound so good with a Spanish twist on it.

pain. good.

movies i really want to see but am finding trouble finding time to (and i'm too lazy to source and link them so google them if you will):
1. Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. because a tween on the radio gave it a 11 out of 10!
2. The Island. Ewan MacGregor. say no more.
3. Crash. it's this summer's [insert last summer's over-hyped movie]. well, i say over-hyped, but for all i know, since i havent actually seen it yet, it might be deserving of all the hype. so i won't judge before i see.
4. can't remember the name, but it's by Hayao Miyazaki (of Castle in the Sky and That Other One that I Can't Remember The Name Of fame) and it's showing tomorrow afternoon at 1! and apparently that's the only time they're going to show it so if there ever was an excuse to take 2 hours off to see a movie i don't know what is.

here's a really good mechanism to avoid talking (or, in this case, writing) about what's really troubling you, or what's really causing life to be so shitty. talk (or, write) about random non-important things! cos, you know, shitty life? oh so cliché. screwed and hopeless? been there, done that. so have a million other people. turn the page. start over.

pain. good.
and it ain't the hunger.

step one

i did it!
one of you will know what i'm talking about soon.
a week from Wednesday, 11am.
watch this space.

i am...

...busy busy busy. so busy that i had someone else write my entry today. yes i tricked him into doing it. no, i really didn't. anyway i'd elaborate but i gots to run. here it is:

1. nu is the source for the latest Microsoft news, technology, and downloads.
2. nu is something to talk about at dating scene.
3. nu is the address of the website used by the National Agency for Higher Education to provide information about the system of higher education in Sweden.
4. nu is very excited about the possibility of making space available for boarders during the fall.
5. nu is situated in south of Trans-Baikal area around Kyachta.

here's how you can play: type in "[your name] is" into Google (with quotation marks), and pick the 5 results that you like the most. then post it.

thanks for playing the game for me, Kaki Cucuk Langit.

i don't get...

what is the deal with:

1. cricket? and why do they call it the Test Series? is it some kind of qualifying round? preliminaries? and why would people queue up from 2am to get tickets to it? and why is it taking up air-time on my TV when i want to watch good ol' daytime chat shows?

2. Blog-shares? what is it? what does it mean when i'm given shares to something else? what do i do with them? why do i have a link on my sidebar to something that i don't even know what to do with?

enlighten me.

sanctified footwear

someone found my site yesterday by searching for "strappy jesus sandals". all i'd like to say to Mr. Jackson him / her is, if you find what you're looking for, come by again and let me know what they are.

oh and someone searched for "girls going commando". whatever it is you're looking for, i hope you didn't find it here.

guess what's sitting nicely on my shelf above the heater now? so gorjius, it is!

kill me. now.

you know that feeling when your chest squeezes and tightens and you need to tell yourself to take a breath and your head feels like it's being pushed inwards from both sides and the skin on your face feels tingly but not in a good way and your tummy doesn't just flutter but does amazing acrobatic feats and it makes you feel nauseous and more than uneasy and also makes you type long sentences?

there are very few things that calm me down when i feel like that, one of them is walking through the city, going through all the shops and buying unnecessary items just because they catch my fancy. so screw my rapidly depleting bank balance, i have an anxiety attack to cure.

s.u.l.k.

is what i'm doing right now. i won't go into details why, because even as i sit here with my lower lip pursed out as far as it can go, a little voice in my head is saying that yet again i'm blowing things out of proportion, and these extra wrinkles that i'm helping my face to grow are so not worth it. but just for the heck of it may i just scream out into the web that i DIDN'T KNOW!! fucktard.

anyway. i'm getting sick. again. i just don't get what my body is trying to tell me. i usually am the picture of health and before this year the last time i was sick was years ago. now i've been sick almost every other month. it sucks like a lamprey.

up point, though, is that i managed to finish mapping out my site. progress is being made, folks. excruciatingly slow, but progress nonetheless.

and i've just started on the Journals of Sylvia Plath and Baudelaird's prosified poems. so don't blame me if i get quotatious on you because if Baudelaird's not the most quotable guy on the planet i don't know who is. that is if you're in as dark a mood as i am. dark. and gloomy. just waiting for an excuse to throw a tantrum. or creating one. a proper full-out tantrum. with tree-pulling, and vase-throwing, and table-over-turning, and pillow-pulling-aparting.

so go on. piss me off.

blah blah blah

being the notoriously compulsive blog-stat-checker that i am, i found today that my archive pages have been accessed recently. so i thought i'd read some of my archived posts, just to see what them journal-readers are seeing. and gosh how i wish i could either erase, or re-edit them! funny thing, this journalling business. i spew out words at will and then forget that people. out there. can see them. and some of them are people whom i. know. and am still in constant. contact. with. the period after every word adds emphasis. to. the. seriousness. of. the. situation. well whatcha gonna do, eh? i reap what i sow, blah blah blah.

spent a good hour and a half on the phone with my beloved Babycakes last night. if any of you have read Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City you'll know what i'm talking about (except mine is a he and not Mona Ramsey). if you have never heard of Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City i suggest you run to the nearest bookstore and buy it right. this. instant. i first came across this wonderful series in the depths of the library of the school-in-the-middle-of-nowhere. bless that librarian queen bitch (can't remember his name but by Buddha did he have a tree up his ass). anyway we (me and Jules, not the librarian) had a long conversation about martini, clothes and Choo's, dyed panties and laundry. t'was the best one and a half hours i've wasted.

this post is boring me. so i'll just stop here. but before that, isn't Google Earth just the most amazing thing on the face of this earth ever? only thing is the satellite images of Liverpool are so blurry i won't be able to use them for my project like i planned. whatcha you gonna do, eh? blah blah.

amazed, astounded, and slightly freaked

if you haven't already, check this out.

annoyance upon annoyance

the week looks like it's going to be a shitty one. yesterday was such a bad day on so many levels i just don't know where to begin. today, not looking so good either. so with this short post of "i just don't know what to say" i'm off to burn my frustrations (and some calories) off at the gym.

i'm all for charity but right now i sure wish i wasn't the one to give.

hope your week goes better than mine.