dulu, mungkin pernah.

i just came from one of my dearest and most complicated Nadz's (who, true to her wabba-feshness, has given her blog a fresh new look). she went through a PTD assessment recently, for which she had to answer a pscyh questionaire. one of the questions was "Anda sesekali terasa gembira tanpa sebab?" which, to those of you who lack eloquence in Malay, is "have you ever felt happy for no obvious reason". Nadia was my roommate when i was doing my A's in KTJ, a school strategically located in The Middle of Nowhere (strategic, as in "there's no where else to run"). i haven't met her in ages, but thanks to the wonders of e-mail and now, Blogger, we've managed to keep in touch aplenty. i remember the sound of her laugh - loud and high-pitched and strong - a laugh that came right from the belly. she'd put her whole body into it; slapping the table (or anyone within slapping distance), clutching her stomach, stomping her feet. and her laugh was infectious! you cannot listen to her laugh, and not feel like laughing yourself, no matter what the reason, which automatically puts her on the list of My Top 5 Joy Mentors. Nads answered "ya" to her question (see all her questions / answers / explanations here). my answer is up there, in the title of this post : i probably have (loosely translated). although i can't remember the last time i merasa gembira tanpa sebab. honestly, sometimes i even find myself getting annoyed at people who are happy all the time. i'd like to think that they're just putting up an act; that they're acting happy to convince the rest of the world, and themselves at the same time, that they really are happy. and i'd like to think that when they say that things are "Great!" and they start telling me about every positive thing that's happening in their lives, that they're actually leaving out the parts where they "feel hopeless, frustrated, miserable, angry, disappointed, worried, sad". that things are actually rather shitty, that they don't know what to do, that they wish that they could, but they'd rather not talk about it.

but hell, if it's not an act, i'd love to know their secret (Nadz's is, apparently, the weather).

don't get me wrong; i'm hardly ever not a dramaqueen, or a cynic, or a miseryphile. i don't care very much for people who choose to be sarcastic and cynical all the time, and refuse to see the good in things (although i reserve my right to be bitingly trenchant at times). i'm all for all things rosy. i'm all for peachiness. in fact, i declare right now to the universe, karma, God, and all relevant parties, that i am open, available, ready to accept all invitations to a life filled with hope, love, optimism, and happy endings (on condition that i'm still allowed to hate Britney Spears and boybands).

now playing : Never There by Cake from Prolonging the Magic